I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
