the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
