he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
