Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
