Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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