operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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