I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
