i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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