I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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