the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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