Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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