You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
