yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
