I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
