Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
