I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
