The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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