Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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