Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
