I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
