I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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