Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
