I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
