We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
