I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
