we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
