i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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