I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
this hospital has no fireball
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
