The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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