i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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