Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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