shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
