im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
