Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
