all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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