Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
