No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
