like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
