The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
