we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
