he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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