genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
