I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
