Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
