How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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