I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
