Will you blow on my dice?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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