well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
