Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
