I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
